All Girls are Beautiful

Hi.

It is midnight right now. I can't sleep so I decide to write this.

None of you knows what I have been through so far. I never told anybody, not my family, not my bestfriend. But there is one person who knows, one person who helps me to finally grow my confidence and try to love myself.

This person may not know how grateful I am to know him.

Now that you read this, you will be the next one to know this.

I was born as the second child of five siblings. I have three sisters and one brother. They are good siblings. And perhaps they know me better than I know myself.

But there is a thing I could not even forget. A memory from my childhood that affects me. You know, I was born with different type of skin. My skin was awful. Once a mosquito bites me, it leaves scars on my skin and it wont go easily. It gives me "beast" look that there was someone who started calling me "the beast".

I always think that it was true. I was a beast. But being a beast seems not enough. The other person also ever told me that no one will ever want to marry me because of my look. I look scary. I look nasty. I look like a beast.

Good thing I was studying in an Islamic school. I always believe that God will always love His creatures, even a beast like me. He never sees His creature from their look. I always thought that it is okay to look like a beast, at least God will always love me.

I tried so hard not to feel sad about that.

Maybe I was only denying that I was in fact really sad at that time.

My parents do many things to "fix" me. To make me look like a beautiful girl. They bought some ointment to spread all over my body but it didn't work. They gave me traditional cure that hopefully will work, but it didn't. They set a mosquito net around my bed but it didn't last longer.

I was so tired of all those "skin cares" to make me look beautiful. I am a beast. That's it.

I was even so desperate I wish I was born as a boy. I cut my hair really short as if I were a boy. I think I look handsome as a boy.

It continues even until when I am older. High school life. Out of nowhere, one of my friends told me that a man can divorce his wife if he didn't like the "appearance" of his wife. It really scared me. It is so unfair, I thought. I did not choose to be born like this. How could a man choose to divorce his wife for that reason? That is so unfair and I was really scared.

So when I got my first job, I decided to go to a skin clinic to fix my skin problem. The doctor said that it could be fixed, but it will cost a lot. For the first phase of treatment, I need to buy some ointments that costs around 800.000 rupiahs. That was only for the first phase! And I need to go back again to get the second phase of the treatment. Then another one. Then another one.

I could not imagine how much it will cost only to fix my skin problem. I decided to buy only one kind of ointment that costs 400.000.

But it didn't work that much. I could not see any difference before and after I spread the ointment.

Only to look beautiful. Please!

Then he came. He told me he likes me. He told me he loves me. For the first time in my life, a boy told me that I am not a beast.

But still, I was really scared that he would probably leave me.

So I brace my self to tell him about my condition. With the probability that he could probably leave me and find another girl. It feels like magic that he didn't leave. He just said he understands and he promised never to call me that way.

To be honest, no one in my life ever told me to love myself for whatever I am. But knowing that he did not leave somehow gives me strength that grows my confidence.

That was the first time in my life I think that I am also beautiful.

That was the first time I feel relieved of all these burden in me.

I am no longer a beast.

I am a girl and I am also beautiful.

For some girls out there who also have the same issue, I do understand. It must be hard for you to live in such burden.

I also hope that you could find a way to love yourself like I find mine to love myself.

Because all girls are beautiful in their own ways. All girls are beautiful in their own ways. And that is true.