When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade!

Everyone values something that might be different from what other people value. And that is totally normal.

And I suddenly realize that there is a thing that makes me feel relieved to consult to a psychologist everytime I couldn't manage my emotions. It is that they respect what I value. They never judge. They listen, they show respect, and they help.

Meanwhile, this hard time somehow reminds me of what I value. To keep a safe distance to everyone, including your loved one.

To make it clear, I was grown in a religious environment. I believe that any kind of relationship between man and woman before marriage is not allowed in our religion. More detailed, we have to keep a safe distance with non mahram. That is what I value since I was a little girl.

In fact, it is not easy to stick on what I value. It is really hard.

I saw a lot of relationships between boy and girl as I grow older. Couples are very common in our society. Relationship appeared as a romantic thing in books, songs, and tv shows. It is indeed romantic.

It becomes harder when I first fell in love with a boy. Not to deny, deep in my heart I also want to have a boyfriend. Even when I think I am a beast, I still wish to have one. And that is also normal.

At the end, it is only what I value that stops me to try to get one.

Falling in love is not forbidden actually. It is normal and allowed. Only that we have to manage our feeling well before the right time comes.

But sometimes things go unpredictably. I think it is really hard to keep my feeling as a secret, even when that special one did not show that he will love me back, it is still hard. But I was wrong.

There is one thing that feels much harder. It is when you love someone who loves you back.

Other people might take it as a blessing to have someone you love, loves you back. But it comes as a disaster to me.

I love him, he loves me, but we cannot be together. Then the fight begins inevitably. Half of me fights the other half.

Sometimes, when half of me wins, I show him what I feel.

But on the other moment, the other half of me wins, and I feel guilty of what I did.

The fight continues and it never ends.

I know one way to stop the fight within myself, but it is not easy. Marriage.

There is nothing easy about marriage. A lot of preparations, a lot of discussions, a lot of things to consider thoroughly. And I am now preparing for it with all my best.

Everyone has their own fights, and so do I. I don't think that what I value makes me trapped in this kind of situation. No, it is not.

I only have to find a way to solve this issue. Because when life gives you lemons, make a lemonade! That is how it works.

And yeah, this Covid-19 outbreak also gives me extra lemons. I literally have to keep a safe distance to everyone, including the one I love. Perhaps, I also need to make extra lemonades then.

Well finally, I realize that I really need to do my very best in this hard time.

To get rid of this kind of situation.

To stop the fight within myself.

To finally feel peace inside my heart.

That is what I really want to achieve.